Mommy Madness

We are OBSESSED with children. As a woman, I am "expected" to have children, and my mom likes to remind me she's looking forward to her (someday) grandchildren. From pop culture's cover stories featuring celeb mommies and their families, to the shock one meets if she says motherhood just isn't for her, to the disdain both career women and stay at home moms meet for being in one categories instead of the other....clearly family and motherhood is on our minds.

I will never EVERRRRR forget sitting in Ms. Morris's junior english class and being updated on my friend's progress toward birthing her little girl. When my classmates explained exactly what it means when someone is so many centimeters "dilated," all the blood drained out of my face and I nearly fainted. Who knew that was a thing???

Super Mom hard at work!

My sophmore year in college, I took a psychology of women class where we discussed an article that really stuck with me. Written in the 1970's by--well, sorry gods of plagiarism! it was a long time ago-- that talked about how degrading it is to be "inseminated" by a man, deal with the nuisances that come with growing a fetus, and the body deforming act of giving birth. In fact, until the 1930's the most "natural" thing in the entire world (childbirth) was also the leading cause of death of women. Although modern medicine has greatly reduced the mortality rate, no one can deny that pregnancy complications and the actual labor process is physically burdensome, if not outright dangerous, to mothers.  

The article called for a system that would basically act as a mechanical surrogate mother. On paper, in regards to health, it sounds great: no morning sickness; no babies born addicted to crack or damaged by alcohol; no miscarriages by car-crashes or falling; no malnourished babies; no strangulation from the umbilical cord; no emergency c-sections. Regarding women, it also sounds wonderful: not having to deal with the politics of "being pregnant" at work; no loss of income or missing out on promotions due to maternity leave; no aches and pains and hormones to deal with; no recovery time needed.

What the article misses, though, slapped me in the face today. 

In a writing prompt to "The Blue Sword," my professor questioned a paper that said to be a woman warrior means you are rejecting the feminine realm of motherhood and the home. Because men are traditionally the warrior heroes, in order to be a female hero, you must kill men. How dare one think of such! In the end, all women warriors must be "tamed" through sexual activity resulting in child birth, through death, or both.

wait....what?????????????

What I guess I have been focused on for so long- the negative aspects of child birth and pregnancy-  completely discounts the fact that it is an HONOR and a incredible, god-like ability that women possess that allows them to carry a child for 9 months and bring new life into the world. Is being a mother really seen so negatively that it can be used as a literary device to punish heroic female characters?

Shout out to Janis :) Love you Mom!

To be both physically and mentally strong enough to make the sacrifices that go along with growing a fetus inside of you.... mothers of the world-- I am in awe of you. How dare I equate this beautiful act of love, this self-less giving of one's body, time, and money with unequal pay between the sexes and a male-dominated congress. 

It's time to STOP telling stay-at-home mothers that they are worth less than their wage-earning husbands. Its time to STOP judging the moms that are able to balance being professional career woman one minute, then kisser of scraped knees the next. Its time to STOP devaluing the very thing that made all of you reading this even possible- your mom. Not to discount fathers! But it is a whole heck of a lot easier for men in terms of investing resources that result in a child; interesting, considering that children "carry on the father's name" and are seen as trophies of their father's incredible masculinity.

Valerie Estelle Frankel’s From Girl to Goddess book talks about how women are usually viewed as either the damsel in distress or the asexual knight encased in her armor. 

"The heroine’s true role is to be neither hero nor his prize. The archetypal goddess, or Great Mother . . . was worshipped as the ultimate creator, the vessel of emerging power and source of all life.  Girls emulate that path on their journeys by forming a family circle they can rule as supreme nurturer and protector.  Here emerges a different story veiled beneath the hero’s, but just as ancient, just as valid, just as universal and empowering.  Here is the heroine’s journey." 

 When did masculinity and brute strength become "worth" more than giving life? Goddesses like Isis, Demeter, Athena were worshiped right alongside their male counterparts. (Its interesting that all "modern" one god religions- Buddhism, Judaism, Christianity, ect- are male-based. In fact, Catholicism goes so far as to say women aren't "worthy" of being priests or speaking as church elders. Karl Marx said that "Religion is the opiate of the masses".....but thats another topic.) Frankel continues,

"Women’s work, nowadays devalued as folk craft and biological urges and time wasting, is the work that has conquered and preserved nations.  It is as White Buffalo Calf Woman told the Lakota women: The work of their hands and the fruit of their bodies keep the people alive.  “You are from the Mother Earth,” she said.  “What you are doing is as great as warriors do.” 

Starting right now, I will no longer think of my strengths in comparison to a man's strengths: yes you (stereotypically) are likely stronger, more aggressive, and more power oriented than I, but I (stereotypically) am likely more compassionate, nurturing, and community oriented than you. Being a mother isn't the end-all, be-all of being a woman, but its time we -myself included- recognize that being a mother isn't being less than anyone else. Honestly, being a mother is officially worth more than a lot of things in my book.

Until next time,

Brooke

P.S. Children are not for every one. By no means am I implying that choosing to not have children makes you "less than" someone who chooses to become a mom or dad! Simply put, this article means that instead of discounting motherhood or saying someone is "just" a mom, we should honor the beauty and love behind the sacrifices that moms make; during pregnancy and labor, and continuing forever.

Mind Your Own Business

What society says is "right"

I remember how 7th grade girl's athletics would be the next period after lunch. Have you ever ran "horses" right after devouring chili cheese fries? Basketball practice with Coach Oliver was NOT going to be pleasant post-lunch... so we 13 years old "athletes" did what any person would do: we just didn't eat. I will never forget the locker room talk that came from parental concerns about our protruding ribs and knobby knees: Momma Shaw telling us this is unacceptable, and that to be healthy, you must eat. 

Its funny how exercising for a 50 min class period, then 2 hour volleyball practice, followed by a 2 hour cheerleading practice every day can whittle a person down. Its funny how hours spent at basketball tournaments and track invitationals can deplete fat stores into nearly nothing. 

Although I'm much more comfortable these days at 22, I can still hear the voices of my classmates' accusations, "You're anorexic aren't you?? I KNOW you are!" I can still hear my parent's worry as they ask if something is the matter, if I need help, that they're concerned. I can still recall the exact moment, where I was, and what I was wearing when my high school boyfriend told me that his friends had asked him how he can even hug me without breaking me.

I can still feel the shame of being "skinny."

Love yourself! Everyone else can Kick Rocks Eat Glass.

Turns out, I'm not alone in this. "Skinny-Shaming"-- the practice of embarrassing or degrading a person for their body being subjectively "below average"-- is exactly what I was, and still am put through. This is not a "poor me, people are so mean!" post: no one should feel embarrassed about their body, and all the "real men don't want bones" and the "real women have curves" billboards send the message that I am both unwanted, and also not a woman. So apparently I'm an alien? A child? A sea monster? Its another way that I have been judged inadequate by those around me. 

How dare the number on the scale be used to define who I am. Why would it EVER be appropriate to make snippy comments about how much I, or anyone else, weighs? When I think about all the forced down food, day in and day out, that I painfully stuffed myself with; all the unwanted swallows that proved to others that - no- in fact, I am "normal," ..... 

Well now I'm just angry.

Family members, classmates, strangers on the streets... think first of how your words affect another person. If I had reversed their comments of 

YOU are more than your body

1. "WOW you skinny bitch! How about some junk food!" 
2. "Do you ever eat??" 
3. "Here, let me make you a sandwich, you're the one that needs it..." 

 into something like 

1. "WOW fat-ass how about breathing, too?" 
2. "Do you ever stop eating??" 
3. "Let me take that food off your hands, you clearly don't need it..."

can you see how hurtful this can be? 

I am PROUD to be who I am. I understand that there is a societal "thin privilege,"and I am sorry for those who, because of disease or disability, are overweight. But pardon my lack of sympathy for the men and women who think their body is anyone's fault but their own. If you do not like your own body, do not take it out on me. Instead of belittling the women who park far away from the store entrance, who take the stairs, who skip dessert every now and then-- how about go exercise? How about go improve your SELF before you get the "privilege" to judge others. Better yet, how about you keep your unsolicited opinions to yourself. 

My biggest pet peeve in the entire world is hearing "GOSHHH IM SO FATTTTT" right after watching someone devour 4 pizza slices to go with their large Dr. Pepper. Do you remember the last time you went to the gym? How about the last time you stopped eating before you went into a semi-food coma? According to the CDC, 1/3 of American adults are obese; considering the number one cause of death (heart disease) is related to obesity, the fact seems significant. 

We need to change how we view both our own and other's bodies by their ratio of muscle to fat to blood to bone, into judging by what a body and a mind can accomplish. If all you do is watch netflix and eat chips, I really don't feel bad for you if you're packing a few pounds. Likewise, if you eat healthily and make lifestyle choices encouraging your longevity and ability to perform life skills-- keep it up! Go run that marathon girl! But don't let the words of others define you.

In the words of Mr. Glenn Marla, "There is no wrong way to have a body." Worry about your health first, your ideas second, and your physical "size" last. 

XOXO,

Brooke

Using the F-word in Public

And no, not the one you're thinking.
Please hear me out before you just dismiss this as another femi-nazi rant.

If you know me, you've probably heard me say something about being a woman, being taken seriously, and being treated with the respect that men are granted freely. I believe in equality: I am not better nor worse than a man, but with different strengths AND weaknesses. To claim that I am a FEMINIST-- however-- makes people uncomfortable. If a misogynist means someone who hates women, then would a feminist be someone who LOVES women?

I don't understand why this is something negative?

Power heels like a boss

I personally, right this second, know multiple women who let their boyfriends:

• beat them
• degrade them 
• control their money 
• restrict their access to their friends and families 
• tell them what they are/aren't allowed to do/say/think

It is for them that I can not and I will not smile and say that, yes, women being "allowed" to have jobs and vote is enough. It's more than that-- its challenging ourselves and those around us to change how we view girls and women. 

Being a feminist means being a voice for the women who can't or won't speak for themselves. We must teach our girls that being opinionated isn't being "bossy;" its showing potential leadership ability early; its being more than a doormat. Little girls NEED to hear that they deserve to be loved, to make their own choices, and to be respected. To DEMAND respect if they must.

 Can you imagine a guy telling me what to do? To quote Drake's The Motto, "Wish a nigga would." 

Our boys need to be taught that being a REAL man isn't being controlling- its respecting the women in his life, and walking away from anger rather than resorting to violence. Its knowing that by his strength, of course he could control any woman he chooses to, but being a MAN means choosing love and respect over threats and intimidation. 

 Maybe you're thinking,

"Brooke- I'm all for respecting women and my boyfriend doesn't beat me.... I still don't need feminism? It doesn't apply to me?"

Theres a 3ish minute Miss Representation video at the bottom of the page you should check out;  its pretty entertaining, and is clips of different news anchors and advertisements from 2013.

Here's a few of the best quotes:

• Rush Limbaugh on Beyonce and Jay Z,  "She married the rich guy, she understands its worth it to bow down." (because its not like she's successful on her own or anything...)
• Joan Rivers on Adele, "You know that song 'Rolling in the Deep?' Yeah, she should have added 'fried chicken.' "
• "I'm not saying you deserve to be raped, but..." (?????????????????)
• CNN's headline about the Steubenville Rapists says they "have a promising future and are very good students" (ummm? no jail time?)
• Male to female news anchor on the hannity show "Know your role and shut your mouth"
• Multiple references to women in power being dismissed as "hysterical" and "too emotional" when speaking logically and using facts to win arguments

We have came a very long way from sitting at home and vacuuming in pearls, but if you think you don't need feminism, because the world will treat you correctly--- I guess you must be doing something these world class athletes, politicians, reporters, and entertainers are not. 

Being pro-woman isn't being anti-man. By reading the above, however, its clear that to be female is NOT to be respected, and that is the root of the problem.

Our female senators get dismissed as "chemically imbalanced" by their colleagues and it. must. stop. Our female professional athletes are reported as "not very pretty" in the news, as if that is their job or focus. Superbowl performer BEYONCE is dismissed as "bowing down" to her husband as the reason for her success. Very gifted, Grammy award winner Adele is judged specifically on her weight.

Women can't voice their opinions without being dismissed as "moody" or told to "stop being so sensitive." Until this changes, and I can get the respect that my male peers do, I won't stop talking about it. If you don't feel the same, I really would like to know why.

"Challenge the negatives and amplify the positives"

Think about it,

Brooke

Sounding STOOpiD: A Clarification

You know what's funny about blogs? They are the opinions of the author. This blog is mine. The opinions in this blog are mine. If you don't agree with anything I have to say, then please leave a comment or call me/text me if you would prefer, and I would be THRILLED to discuss with you, debate with you, or clarify what I meant. Maybe my writing wasn't very clear and you took it another way than I had intended for the piece to be read. Its possible.

But do not call my mother complaining. 

I am twenty two years old, and I may not have all of the answers, but I certainly know a little something something about the world. Well, at least enough to be able to form opinions for myself on MY blog.

If you haven't read it yet, check out http://playniceladies.blogspot.com/2014/02/sounding-stoopid-rant.html before you read the rest.

I'll wait.....

Apparently that post caused just quite the uproar in Buffalo, so I feel like I should say what I really  meant.

1. I spent the first 18 years of my life in that town. Small towns are definitely charming in a "know your neighbors" kind of way. If I had grown up in a bigger place there is no WAY I could have cheered, played so many sports, done 4H, competed in theatre and UIL academics, then finish top 10%. Not possible. There just would be kids way smarter or way more athletic, so I am very grateful to have the opportunity. Would I move back to a small town as an adult? Not a chance. But that doesn't mean that small town living isn't perfect for someone else.

Front porches and sweet tea.... Southern comfort at its best :)

2. In no way did I mean that by growing up in a small town (or choosing to live there as an adult) you are automatically less intelligent than anyone else in the world, including myself. Do I think that learning comes from being exposed to new ideas and different cultures? Absolutely. Do I think that people in small towns are usually more closed minded or stuck in their ways than their urban neighbors? For sure. But there are exceptions to every rule.

3. I do NOT think that you have to have a formal education to be "smart." You do not need to go to A&M, UT, LSU, or any other in order to not be like the people I meant in my last post. If you went to public school beyond about 6th grade, then the only excuses you have for portraying yourself like that are either you are lazy or you are stupid. So which is it?

THIS.

4. I do not think I am "better" than anyone else on this Earth. I think I am blessed with certain talents, and I am lacking in other areas, just like you reading this. But I will not discount the time and effort I just sank into my education for the last four years. My dad busts his tail every day to be financially able to support both me and my sister, and I am blessed beyond belief to have had to not take out loans. That doesn't mean I should feel bad about it. It doesn't mean I should apologize for my time here in College Station, either.

5. If you are really offended enough to need to call my mother to discuss MY thoughts, then maybe you should take a long look at yourself.  Why are you so offended by a post about people using grammar incorrectly? Why are you upset about people coming across as ignorant? Maybe you're mad because you KNOW you are guilty of this. Well, as they say folks, if the shoe fits....

To wrap up, I'm really very happy that people like to read this blog. I love to hear your feedback! I'm so sorry if that last post came across as offensive or judgmental, because its not what I meant at all. I'm not looking down my nose at anyone. I simply want you to be better than you already are, and to never stop learning and growing. If I can facilitate that through a silly internet post, then I'm absolutely thrilled to have had the opportunity to add a little something
to your life.

Until Next Time,
Brooke

Sounding StOOpiD: A Rant.

I grew up in an east Texas town of around 1800 people. I knew everyone, and they knew me. Besides walking away with a certain innocence to any ideas or perspectives that fell outside of the accepted Bible Belt dogma, I also left that town with a considerably heavy accent. 

Dodged this bullet....

Although College Station isn't known as the center of worldly knowledge or being high society, my freshman year at A&M made me aware that I wasn't like the kids from Dallas or Houston or even Austin. To my own ear, I sounded entirely more sophisticated than the "ain'tcha gonna" or the "fixin' to" of my hometown.  But I still got both envied by my girl friends

 "Awe, your accent is soooo adorable"

 and teased by my guy friends

"Wow do they also teach you how to read in Buffalo?"

for my southern "charm."  I hated it. Most people didn't even notice how impolite their uncalled for critique was. Positive or negative shading aside, these people made me feel like a country bumpkin, and I would not let my past define my future.

So I worked really hard and trained myself to sound at least Urban Texan, and now my accent only makes an appearance when I'm really tired or talking with my parents, as my boyfriend likes to point out. The point is, there is a certain connotation that is attached to both southernisms and slang and ebonics: being less intelligent than everyone else around you.

Now, there is a definite difference between how someone speaks and their accent (whether it be Southern, Indian, Latino, ect.),  the words that someone speaks out loud, and the style of writing someone uses. When I communicate with others, I would rather them think me pretentious or whatever else from being too formal, than willfully stupid. Apparently.... not everyone shares this view.

Why would you want to portray yourself as someone less intelligent than you are? From my first blog, I got a comment asking my views on women in the Catholic Church and whether or not reforming to be more modern is necessary or reasonable in today's world. Perhaps it would be a valid point to say:

"Women should not be allowed to serve as priests because the Bible says that men are the spiritual leaders, and tradition should stay tradition." 

I would agree to disagree, but it would be a legitimate idea. Instead, Rednek2188 leaves this gem of wisdom:

"Thats dumb. Women should nver b priests.they r made 2 serve men n b there subordnates. Read the bible it says it"

..............................

Is this for real?

"Cauze we dont need no edjumacation newayz, Bubba!"

Not only is the spelling/grammar/everything about this comment absolutely ridiculous, but coming from someone using the name "rednek," I'm not even surprised. Granted it is a silly blog by someone unknown on the internet (aka me), but it just reinforces the pretty common idea that everyone in the south IS a "redneck" and IS backassward in both progressive ideas and simple education. It also makes me, the reader, completely discount anything that may have been a good point because no WAY an educated person would ever use that kind of language.

Oh, high school. The days of football games and study hall... From my experience in that joke of a town, its also where people do their darndest to be perceived as dumb as humanly possible, without also being classified as mentally handicapped. To this day, just judging from my Facebook feed and the posts from people that I've known forever, its just not cool to be smart. I am legitimately embarrassed for some of you. I'm so happy that you are

"Makin dat oil feild cash! Caint weight 2c my bby!!!!!!"

but please, could you at least try not to rub your stupidity all over the rest of us?

Is having a dead-end job that you hate also cool? What about not being able to buy your kids new shoes when its time to go school clothes shopping? Everything from getting that awesome job in your chosen career field to dating to making friends stems from how people perceive you. It may not be right, but how you speak and how you write matters. What impression will you make?

Have a beautiful Tuesday,
Brooke

The Pen is Mightier Than The Sword

I am too opinionated for my own good.

Well that's what my "friends" on FaceBook like to let me know, at least. "Friends" because I certainly do NOT know 2000 people.

That I am not always politically correct or "lady-like"...whatever that is.... with my thoughts. 

That I should post kittens and rainbows and statuses like:

"What a blessed day! I cannot believe how amazingly perfect life is!!!! Love you all!!!!!!!"

Probably me very shortly...
Definitely me eventually.

That I should just stop.

Well, Internet that leads me to my next point.... here I am starting my first blog so that my poor, poor FB friends can get a break from all of this sass ;) Bear with me cause I hear its a learning experience!

Wheeler's quote "The pen is mightier than the sword" is perfection because it. is. truth! Did you know that China actually PAID workers to find blogs with negative comments about communism and switch up the conversation? 

After WWII and especially after the Cold War, America was THE world power, but now we really have become just a country of complacency...

We're too worried about poppin' molly and learning how to twerk. 

About raising minimum wage when we should be lowering the price of an education.

About what's trending instead of what matters.

As a millennial, I've always had information right at my finger-tips, so why would I waste my brain power on publicity-stunting celebrities and their gossip? These people earn MILLIONS to speak words that are not their own and to almost physically become someone they are not. I really just don't get the hype.

I'm new here to the blogosphere (that's a thing....right?.....) but I want to hear and be heard! 

I want to have lively debates here about the things my friends are sick of hearing me talk about.

Like I said, new here! I just want to express my thoughts and hear what each of you have to say!  Any blogging tips you'd like the share? They would be accepted VERY graciously. Any topic ideas? I'd give it a stab. 

Until next time beautiful people,

Brooke