WORDS words WORDS: Bossy Brooke no More

There is this idea I encounter quite frequently whenever I dare to correct someone who has called me "chick" or "sugar" or "babe" that I do indeed have a name that is not an animal, baking commodity, nor child, that efforts toward gender equality is "finished" and "is not necessary any longer." That there is no "white, rich, old man conspiracy group" that does nothing beyond "sitting around smoking cigars and plotting oppression tactics."

This is true. There is no systematic devaluation of the female person by an institution such as... oh idk..... PRINT & DIGITAL & CINEMATIC MEDIA. 
or..... RELIGION.
or..... SCHOOLS.
or..... RAPE CULTURE.

Yes, women in 2014 are now "allowed" to request a divorce, vote, wear jeans, go to college, work outside of the home.... but by NO means is the necessity of women's rights activists eliminated. Its been 40 years since the second wave of the Feminist Revolution, 40 years since equal opportunities for both sexes were demanded-by law- to be provided in educational settings that receive federal funding.... and yet there are, according to 2013 datas:

So true!

• 23 Fortune 500 female CEOs
• FIVE (of 50) female state governors
• the 113th congress has TWENTY female senators (of 100) and 99 of (535) female house members... don't get excited thats 18%.
• Nancy Pelosi is the first EVER female Speaker of the House
• what about newspaper editors? movie directors? school board members? 

The list goes on and on because this is an epidemic.

Yes, simultaneously there is SLOW progress: the fact that Hillary Clinton (a woman in general, not JUST her) may very well be the next president is SUCH greatness and speaks to how we have grown in our thinking.... Except that we call her Hillary. And we judge her hair. And she's "getting older." How disrespectful! No one goes around (perhaps a little bit...but not like this) saying Barak or Paul. Because we respect them. Because we are comfortable with male leadership.

But to say these numbers are acceptable? That we have reached "equality"? That feminism is offensive to men because women are "taking over" and being "helped too much now"? That women do not want to be associated with being a "feminist" because they aren't hairy legged butch lesbians that want to kill all men and store a few under ground for reproduction purposes.... Am I those things? No. I do not want to take over the world. But I AM demanding a better world for my daughters AND sons, and I would like your eyes to be open to the situation.

Yes some women want to be stay at home mothers, and yes some have education degrees, and yes some simply do not WANT to be a person in power because of the stress/time/effort/ect. This is perfectly okay, and I am happy they are living their idea of happy..... But the numbers are not made sensical by such trivial explanations.

Women are 51% of the population, and half of all degrees have gone to women over the last 30 years.... some, of course, are teachers and other professions who are not "qualified" educationally wise to be in power..... but shouldn't logic tell you that the other factors contributing to the male power majority such as the "stay at home moms" and the "ladies who lunch" who simply do not work be statistically balanced by the large group of men who are janitors? Or construction workers? Or ranchers? 18% of house members being female isn't acceptable. Its not representative of the population dynamics nor the values that 51% of the population is affected by more so than the 49%.

I am sure you have heard about Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg's new initiative, in unison with the Girl Scouts, to ban the word bossy from the vocabulary of parents and teachers. The idea is that girls in classrooms are enthusiastically answering questions and being "classroom helper", then being told to stop being so bossy and loud and to let others take a turn. The little girls are embarrassed; no longer will they find the joy in learning as before, and the will to lead is, if not STOLEN, then greatly diminished. Yes, there are some certain girls who can brush the idea of being too assertive off and move on. But what about the ones that cannot? Who give up right there? Who maybe don't have the parents at home to say "you CAN do anything a boy can do" or "don't let those kids bring you down!"?

Too bad so sad?

How can we move forward if 51% of us are not?

Women will LIE about how much they make on dates in order to not be too "dominating" to men and in order to preserve their tender, fragile masculinity.... why is this even a thought? Why are women not shouting from the rooftops about their accomplishments that yes they EARNED that raise working 60 hours a week? Why not telling the dinner party that they KICKED ASS and earned a big client contract? Some do. But a lot of women constantly undermine accomplishments to partners, friends, and families by phrases like

"oh, well, you know.... I just was lucky and the timing worked out....."

"well, yeah, i mean..... there were not many applicants, so I didn't have much competition...." 

Do you think men do that? No. Because men are "supposed to be" in those positions (as evidenced by history, so its what we culturally expect) and they are taught from the start of their lives that alpha male powerful is what you want in order to support a family, and to also not be the wimpy kid that gets beat up.

I have also heard that men do what they do to impress women: win wars, be a wall street guy, whatever "it" is, the act is used to earn sexual advantages over less capable competition; those cannot be advantageous if you did not "earn" the accomplishment... "right place right time" isn't very sexy. If you didn't brag to the world, how would the ladies know?  But I cannot say if that is absolute fact.

Sandberg's idea is this early negative experience with exhibiting leadership skills is what drives these women in the future to not seek out managerial positions: "I don't want to be the bitch." Her hypothesis is that this is why more women are not upper management positions: 13 years of tongue biting to "play nice" with the other kids and not step on any toes does not build the life skills necessary to BE a good leader. The kind of skills like being comfortable giving directions (not orders) instead of asking "hey when you get a moment can you please do ______."

Both physically and mentally, boys mature later than girls. Should the faster progressing girls (and boys, if they are) be oppressed to make room for the lagging behind boys and slower girls? Wouldn't our country benefit socially, economically et. if the best of the best gets treated like it instead of being handicapped? If said late bloomers aren't on the same "level," I feel that those kids should be held back a year to progress themselves.

Arguments AGAINST the #banbossy campaign say that both genders are called it, its not that relevant, and there are bigger things to worry about that hurting a 7 year old child's feelings. Forbes's contributor Michelin Maynard (a woman) wrote an article on the matter saying

"We don't have to ban words to make young girls feel better. Instead, teach them to believe in possibilities, no matter what anyone says about them, and keep finding ways to move forward."

Considering that Title 9 of the Education Amendments of 1972 says

"No person in the United States shall, on the basis of sex, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination under any education program or activity receiving federal finical assistance."

I beg to differ. It is not about "feeling better" its about facilitating an environment where ideas and life skills and learning thrives; the people that work the hardest and are the brightest get rewarded, not punished. A world where school dress codes DON'T teach girls that wearing shorts, even of appropriate length, are wrongfully stimulating to those poor dear boys. It is funny that "bermuda shorts" are acceptable which are very comparable to male cargo or basketball length shorts. So THAT is ok, but girls you should know that your bodies are disgraceful and not acceptable for public arenas, and it is your responsibility to fight off the middle school pubescent advances of boys; boys, don't worry, we will shield your little eyes.

What does it mean to be equal? In my very clearly subjective opinion, equality of the sexes would be a world where gendered ideology beyond the biologically based reproductive systems (like maternity and paternity leave, the right to not be fired for being pregnant ect.) is eliminated.

An actual ad for a butcher shop. Looks like you matter a lot ladies

Linguistics is a cultural snapshot that serves to reflect the thinking in a moment in time. For example, before the civil rights movement, "nigger" was an acceptable name for a black person; today, that is a word most people would never, ever use in a derogatory sense. When we speak, the words we say are evidence of our own thinking patterns, and are also shading the connotations that other people around you hear and then link to the associated groups in question, both positively and negatively.

Sexism is another construct validated and affirmed through word choice; how men and boys speak and see others speak influences their ideology. For instance, in a perfect world, little boys who enjoy painting are not called sissies as an insult. It is a negative thing to be a sissy but a positive thing for the girl that loves kickball and climbing trees to be a tom-boy because of the value we culturally place on male traits compared to female traits. To be more male-like is valued, to be more female-like is embarrassing.

What about being told to "man up," to "grow a pair," or that someone who IS what a real man should be, perhaps man enough to walk away from a fight "doesn't have any balls." Are these attributes intrinsically positive? NO. To imply that the male sexual organ is a metaphor for success isn't acceptable. It would be different if there was a similar, positive vibe surrounding lady parts; but nah, not needed.

 The female sexual organs gets all the negative connotations that phrases like "stop being a pussy" and "What? Are you on your period today?" bring to mind in situations of failure; "Need a tampon" is yet another linked to actions that are something that YOU as a man are above and better than I as a woman. The "most" offensive word in the entire english language is cunt..... a word meaning vagina. This is not oh men and women are different, or the "separate but equal" idea by any means, its the idea that male is something to embrace and flaunt because its better than female.

Interesting point on that: considering that the male organs are external, thus extremely prone to injury (true story. I've seen many a male doubled over in pain due to a testes tap), and the female organs are internal and capable of oh ya know.... growing a human being from fluids and then bringing new life into the world, you would think the anything related to "balls" and "big dicks" would be extremely weak. But its not. Because "any old animal can pop out a kid."

Because we value masculinity, as a society, at the expense of femininity.

Its a rape hotline ad.... for BIG MACS.

What about the VERY common usage of "raping" as a synonym for "winning:" "I just raped that test;" football coaches saying how we're gonna "rape that team;" the very most disgusting, dehumanizing act of forcefully stealing a woman's (and very very rarely a man's) dignity and killing a piece of who they were, forever tainting their view that maybe the world is a good place, an act that HAPPENS EVERY SINGLE DAY ....is glorified. An act that is RARELY served jail time for (15 out of 16 will not says Rape Abuse, and Incest National Network),  that is thought of as "not really a thing anymore," an act that is just a risk of happening to be female. Rape also happens to simply go away with money or power  because all you have to say is "she was drunk and she consented and she changed her mind." ... This CRIME means winning and being the victor in our culture.

We don't teach "hey boys! don't rape it's wrong!" we teach "hey girls! you are weak and a victim so don't walk alone, don't drink too much, don't let a guy pick you up for a date cause then he will know where you live, don't run at night time because you are a walking target."  Yes, it is my responsibility to be smart, but it is NOT my responsibility to guard my every move such as hiring a corp escort to walk me across campus after studying late. Men and boys are responsible.

A Brown School of Medicine 2010 study found that 91%.... NINETY ONE PERCENT....of all rapes are committed by undetected repeat offenders. Maybe that has something to do with the CBS investigation in 2009  that found in TEXAS... where we live people.... there is 10,000 untested rape kits in Dallas, 3,000 in Houston, and another 5,000 untested kits in San Antonio. Google it. I promise. EIGHTEEN THOUSAND women, in Texas, in Cities we have both likely been to.... these 18,000 just simply do not matter enough to get justice for.... Are you disgusted yet? It is estimated that of every 100 rapes, only 40 get reported. Do the math.

This is deeply engrained, culturally acceptable promotion of the inferiority of women. Question it. Demand answers. And change the world for the better for both MEN AND WOMEN. who possess their different strengths and weaknesses. Where the problem arises is when the differences are not valued; that is the definition of 3rd wave feminism.

So tell me again how we're "all equal."
That America is land of the free, home of brave; a land of equal opportunity.
That you "aren't a feminist."
That you "don't see a reason for it"

Think of the 5% of CEOs and the 18% of house members and the 20% of senators and the five total female governors.

Then think of those 18,000 women and the 18,000 rapes and the 18,000 men (maybe less...repeat offenders remember.) who will never do a second of time for their brutal, life-changingly traumatic, soul crushing hate crime against women IN TEXAS.

And then tell me you aren't a feminist.

Brooke