YOU Are Wonderful; Act like it

Do you believe in fate? In God? In the mystical power of the universe?

I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that so many twists of fate-so many marriages and so many babies before me-had to have happened for Brooke Trahan to even exist, to live in America, to live in the present day....I am lucky and I am thankful. I believe I have a purpose to fulfill in life, just like you do.

This is why I really have no sympathy for people who commit suicide.
Before you just assume I have no soul, at least hear me out.

Never forget how very special you are

Are you depressed?

Seek help.

There is nothing wrong with needing medical treatment; you wouldn't feel ashamed to go get insulin for your diabetes, would you? Depression is simply a chemical imbalance in your brain, treatable with medication and time.

Still feel worthless?

Kindly stop taking up space and make room for those of us who actually want to be here.

If you are not starving to death, have a roof over your head, and are not living in constant fear for your life-- you are doing better than a lot of people in this world. How selfish can you really be?

I cheated death Saturday night.

Because I am a little darling and like to stand up for those who won't do it themselves, I am here today.

Over spring break, myself and Tommy and another couple spent the weekend in Corpus Christi. Saturday night after going out, the other man-who was raised in Corpus- wanted to show us the Lexington battleship, which they light up at night and is apparently super cool.

On the way there, the other woman wanted to stop and take a picture with the Selena memorial tribute for her mother, a huge Selena fan. Apparently she has been trying to stop for months to take this picture, but the guy is kind of an actual jerk and never would stop... it was always "next time" or "someday." It was always an excuse.

It won't be easy, but it'll be worth it!

When she said "OH! We're going to pass right by it!!! PLEASEEEE?" and he said "No? Tomorrow during the day!" I, being the absolute peach of a little lady that you all know and love, insisted that we take the time.

I mean? C'mon! We were just going to go sit in the hotel anyways? What else can you possibly do at 2 in the morning with out getting arrested?

So he grudgingly pulls over, she snaps a picture or two, and the entire ordeal takes maybe two minutes... but those two minutes probably saved our lives.

We continued toward the Lexington and came around a curve.... where a major car wreck had just happened. There were bodies that had been pulled out of the crumpled vehicles laying in the grass. The crash had happened so soon before we had arrived to that certain spot on the way to the Lexington that the ambulance was not even there yet. 

Two minutes....

I am lucky to be alive. We all are.

Its funny what a near-death experience does to a person...I have never felt more full of purpose or hopeful about my future or more driven to make a change in this world. I am important. I am worthy of love and success and respect and safety and any other good thing that exists on this Earth... just like you are. 

Do not waste a MOMENT 

So if you are having a bad day, make a bad grade, over-sleep for work... just remember all the little things that had to have happened for you to be able to have a bad day.

Take a breathe. Count to 10. Know that I am here if you ever, ever need me.

What will you accomplish when you start living?

"Be thankful for this moment, for this moment is your life"

Love you all!
Brooke

Stop Teaching Us "Happily Ever After"

This is my scholarly paper for a young adult literature class that required an essay on fairy tales. Pretty long, but pretty interesting if you care to read it. (I made a 95 on it if you happen to doubt my intelligence on the subject)

Crying Wolf:

Fairy Tale’s Promotion of Rape Culture

           

If a two year old were asked what she wants to be when she grows up, the answer would likely be a shrieked, “ prin-thess!” Toddler’s rudimentary grasp on the English language does not deter parents from teaching their little darlings about gendered behavior, even using enforcers such as cartoons, clothing, and popular media. The “happily ever after’s” of fairy tales, however, are the sugar coated ideas that dictate societal expectations of the alpha males and submissive females. Francesca Lia Block’s short story, Wolf, is a feminist-inspired reworking of the traditionally geared, androgynous fairy tale, “Little Red Riding Hood.“ Wolf is meant to celebrate women, their strengths, and the love of community that defines them. Although girls are taught by The Grimm Brother’s “Little Red Cap” that safety is gained through male protection, Block’s first person narrative Wolf’s portrayal of a teenage rape survivor’s story rejects female trivialization as portrayed in fairy talks, and by putting the reader into the victim’s shoes, Block argues thematically against victim blaming and other myths surrounding American Rape Culture’s ideology.

The Grimm’s story, “Little Red Cap” features a hunter that saves the lives of Red and Grandmother from being lost in the wolf’s belly. (Grimm, 30). Folk and Fairy Tale’s Little Red section claims that the Grimm’s version to be the “ most balanced” to contemporary audiences because of the parallel structuring of good men versus bad men (Hallett & Karasek, 23). The lesson being taught of man-as-protector is dangerous. Father-like figures are absent from most fairy tales, and when present, fathers are linked to daughter-directed incest more frequently than not. Block’s writing rejects the idea of the paternalistic good guy by placing her Wolf in the domestic realm: the protagonist’s emotionally and physically abusive step-father whom she cannot escape.

The story’s title, Wolf, carries a clever double meaning that established Block’s tone from the first word. Firstly, the title refers to the story’s heritage stemming from traditional Red Riding Hood and the Wolf stories. The more sinister, secondary usage is in reference to the disturbing trend of sexual assault victims being accused of faking an attack, or “crying wolf.” The title is an allusion to Aesop’s Fable, “The Boy Who Cried Wolf.” The first words in the story are two sentences from Red saying, “They don’t believe me. They think I’m crazy,” confirming the intended double meaning (Block, 40).

Even more troubling, friends of attackers frequently harass victims of rape and assault, both verbally and away through social media or text messaging. The victim is pressured to admit that the act was consensual, and she originally was just upset. Women particularly find it easier to assume the victim is making up the incident than to admit that such a heinous attack could happen to a woman they are acquainted with. Daily Mail’s article about victim blaming reports that “of 1000 adults surveyed, fifty four percent agree with the statement ‘rape victims should be held accountable for their attacks”’ (Camber, Web).

Researchers and psychologists agree that rape is about power, rather than about sex. Before the physical violence of an attack can occur between two groups of people that are separated by race, sex, religion or other area’s of exclusive group membership, there has to be a complete separation in the perception of the aggressor that ranks his or her group’s worth much higher than the value of the secondary group’s worth. To illustrate, consider the kidnapping and enslavement of African tribesmen that resulted in later slave trading on plantations around the world; slavery could not morally have been as widespread if the tribal Africans were seen as equals to people of European decent. By viewing a specific human characteristic that varies between the two groups, here the skin tones and cultural differences between white people and black people, the group that feels they are worth more on the scale of human value feels justified in any persecution or violence that occurs between them, especially acts which benefit the dominant group. Southern plantation owner’s excuse for owning slaves used to be “because people from Africa are not as fully human as white Americans,” so using slaves like you would use a cow or oxen for labor purposes was “justified” in their own minds.

Similarly, Westernized countries value aggression and passion in men, and demand passivity and obedience in women. Popular culture components including fashion trends, media, and advertisements- among others- all serve to systematically dehumanize women by reducing the value of a woman to a purely sexual existence. Because a woman is now less than human, merely an object to be used for sexual exploitation, harassment in the form of sexual violence is “justified” to certain types of men. Traditional fairy tales that depict women as hopelessly incapable or passively wasting time until the arrival of the prince characterize women as less valuable than men, yet again. The message that women “need” men is internalized by both boys and girls, beginning on the laps of their parents during story-time: little girls hear stories of beautiful princesses waiting for rescue, and little boys hear stories of the beautiful princess he earns by scaling the tower or slaying the dragon.

 The only types of women present in fairy tale literature are the very good or the very bad, and either category’s mother. There is, of course, the beautiful young girl that embodies all male expectations of feminine virtue and who will be rewarded for playing the game, as she was expected, with a handsome prince. The undesirable women are banished to the realms of the ugly step-sisters, the jealous step-mothers, and the evil old witches. The fairy tale characters serve as warnings to girls, with their ugly names and the missing happily ever after’s, to either play the game or suffer the consequences.

Block challenges the female-as-villain casting that is so prevalent in children’s stories, including in young adult literature. The male characters of fairy tales assume the role of the hero: the Grimm Brother’s hunter that saves Little Red from the wolf’s belly, the stereotypical Prince Charming character, and the father who is absent for unknown reasons, but sometimes portrayed as away on business providing for his family. Block challenges the convention of men as female protectors by making the villain of Wolf into Red’s step-father, a rapist turned murderer.

Instead of the backstabbing and plotting that are trademarks in most fairy tale stories, Block chooses to show love instead of the usual hatred aimed toward women, by women. Traditional Little Red Riding Hood stories are missing the attention, either overly positive or overly negative, between the family members. In Wolf, Block’s addition of loving, intergenerational relationships adds texture to the characters and believability to the story. Red loves her mother so much that she claims her mother is her best friend, one so great that “I didn’t really even need any other friend” (Block, 40). Red also lets us know that the reason she cannot simply flee from her abusive situation is because she is scared to abandon her mother.

To conclude, kids are growing up being taught unattainable standards of perfection that will never be reached. A son that tap-dances and a daughter that welds both deserve the love of their family, the respect of their peers, and the right to feel safe in this world. By ending the brainwashing of whatever “normal” is, and teaching kids about respect and kindness, perhaps the days of victim blaming will end; its hard to have a victim with out any perpetrators.

Works Cited:

1.     Block, Francesca Lia. “Wolf.” The Rose and the Beast. New York: Harper Collins, 2000.

2.     Camber, Rebecca. “Rape? It’s the fault of the victims, say 50 % of women.” Daily Mail Online.  Associated Newspapers, LTD. 15 Feb 2010. Web. 16 Feb 2014.

3.     Marshall, Elizabeth. “Girlhood, Sexual Violence, and Agency in Francesca Lia Block’s ‘Wolf.’” Children’s Literature in Education. Springer Science+Business Media, LLC. 18 Feb 2009. Web. 18 Feb 2014.

WORDS words WORDS: Bossy Brooke no More

There is this idea I encounter quite frequently whenever I dare to correct someone who has called me "chick" or "sugar" or "babe" that I do indeed have a name that is not an animal, baking commodity, nor child, that efforts toward gender equality is "finished" and "is not necessary any longer." That there is no "white, rich, old man conspiracy group" that does nothing beyond "sitting around smoking cigars and plotting oppression tactics."

This is true. There is no systematic devaluation of the female person by an institution such as... oh idk..... PRINT & DIGITAL & CINEMATIC MEDIA. 
or..... RELIGION.
or..... SCHOOLS.
or..... RAPE CULTURE.

Yes, women in 2014 are now "allowed" to request a divorce, vote, wear jeans, go to college, work outside of the home.... but by NO means is the necessity of women's rights activists eliminated. Its been 40 years since the second wave of the Feminist Revolution, 40 years since equal opportunities for both sexes were demanded-by law- to be provided in educational settings that receive federal funding.... and yet there are, according to 2013 datas:

So true!

• 23 Fortune 500 female CEOs
• FIVE (of 50) female state governors
• the 113th congress has TWENTY female senators (of 100) and 99 of (535) female house members... don't get excited thats 18%.
• Nancy Pelosi is the first EVER female Speaker of the House
• what about newspaper editors? movie directors? school board members? 

The list goes on and on because this is an epidemic.

Yes, simultaneously there is SLOW progress: the fact that Hillary Clinton (a woman in general, not JUST her) may very well be the next president is SUCH greatness and speaks to how we have grown in our thinking.... Except that we call her Hillary. And we judge her hair. And she's "getting older." How disrespectful! No one goes around (perhaps a little bit...but not like this) saying Barak or Paul. Because we respect them. Because we are comfortable with male leadership.

But to say these numbers are acceptable? That we have reached "equality"? That feminism is offensive to men because women are "taking over" and being "helped too much now"? That women do not want to be associated with being a "feminist" because they aren't hairy legged butch lesbians that want to kill all men and store a few under ground for reproduction purposes.... Am I those things? No. I do not want to take over the world. But I AM demanding a better world for my daughters AND sons, and I would like your eyes to be open to the situation.

Yes some women want to be stay at home mothers, and yes some have education degrees, and yes some simply do not WANT to be a person in power because of the stress/time/effort/ect. This is perfectly okay, and I am happy they are living their idea of happy..... But the numbers are not made sensical by such trivial explanations.

Women are 51% of the population, and half of all degrees have gone to women over the last 30 years.... some, of course, are teachers and other professions who are not "qualified" educationally wise to be in power..... but shouldn't logic tell you that the other factors contributing to the male power majority such as the "stay at home moms" and the "ladies who lunch" who simply do not work be statistically balanced by the large group of men who are janitors? Or construction workers? Or ranchers? 18% of house members being female isn't acceptable. Its not representative of the population dynamics nor the values that 51% of the population is affected by more so than the 49%.

I am sure you have heard about Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg's new initiative, in unison with the Girl Scouts, to ban the word bossy from the vocabulary of parents and teachers. The idea is that girls in classrooms are enthusiastically answering questions and being "classroom helper", then being told to stop being so bossy and loud and to let others take a turn. The little girls are embarrassed; no longer will they find the joy in learning as before, and the will to lead is, if not STOLEN, then greatly diminished. Yes, there are some certain girls who can brush the idea of being too assertive off and move on. But what about the ones that cannot? Who give up right there? Who maybe don't have the parents at home to say "you CAN do anything a boy can do" or "don't let those kids bring you down!"?

Too bad so sad?

How can we move forward if 51% of us are not?

Women will LIE about how much they make on dates in order to not be too "dominating" to men and in order to preserve their tender, fragile masculinity.... why is this even a thought? Why are women not shouting from the rooftops about their accomplishments that yes they EARNED that raise working 60 hours a week? Why not telling the dinner party that they KICKED ASS and earned a big client contract? Some do. But a lot of women constantly undermine accomplishments to partners, friends, and families by phrases like

"oh, well, you know.... I just was lucky and the timing worked out....."

"well, yeah, i mean..... there were not many applicants, so I didn't have much competition...." 

Do you think men do that? No. Because men are "supposed to be" in those positions (as evidenced by history, so its what we culturally expect) and they are taught from the start of their lives that alpha male powerful is what you want in order to support a family, and to also not be the wimpy kid that gets beat up.

I have also heard that men do what they do to impress women: win wars, be a wall street guy, whatever "it" is, the act is used to earn sexual advantages over less capable competition; those cannot be advantageous if you did not "earn" the accomplishment... "right place right time" isn't very sexy. If you didn't brag to the world, how would the ladies know?  But I cannot say if that is absolute fact.

Sandberg's idea is this early negative experience with exhibiting leadership skills is what drives these women in the future to not seek out managerial positions: "I don't want to be the bitch." Her hypothesis is that this is why more women are not upper management positions: 13 years of tongue biting to "play nice" with the other kids and not step on any toes does not build the life skills necessary to BE a good leader. The kind of skills like being comfortable giving directions (not orders) instead of asking "hey when you get a moment can you please do ______."

Both physically and mentally, boys mature later than girls. Should the faster progressing girls (and boys, if they are) be oppressed to make room for the lagging behind boys and slower girls? Wouldn't our country benefit socially, economically et. if the best of the best gets treated like it instead of being handicapped? If said late bloomers aren't on the same "level," I feel that those kids should be held back a year to progress themselves.

Arguments AGAINST the #banbossy campaign say that both genders are called it, its not that relevant, and there are bigger things to worry about that hurting a 7 year old child's feelings. Forbes's contributor Michelin Maynard (a woman) wrote an article on the matter saying

"We don't have to ban words to make young girls feel better. Instead, teach them to believe in possibilities, no matter what anyone says about them, and keep finding ways to move forward."

Considering that Title 9 of the Education Amendments of 1972 says

"No person in the United States shall, on the basis of sex, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination under any education program or activity receiving federal finical assistance."

I beg to differ. It is not about "feeling better" its about facilitating an environment where ideas and life skills and learning thrives; the people that work the hardest and are the brightest get rewarded, not punished. A world where school dress codes DON'T teach girls that wearing shorts, even of appropriate length, are wrongfully stimulating to those poor dear boys. It is funny that "bermuda shorts" are acceptable which are very comparable to male cargo or basketball length shorts. So THAT is ok, but girls you should know that your bodies are disgraceful and not acceptable for public arenas, and it is your responsibility to fight off the middle school pubescent advances of boys; boys, don't worry, we will shield your little eyes.

What does it mean to be equal? In my very clearly subjective opinion, equality of the sexes would be a world where gendered ideology beyond the biologically based reproductive systems (like maternity and paternity leave, the right to not be fired for being pregnant ect.) is eliminated.

An actual ad for a butcher shop. Looks like you matter a lot ladies

Linguistics is a cultural snapshot that serves to reflect the thinking in a moment in time. For example, before the civil rights movement, "nigger" was an acceptable name for a black person; today, that is a word most people would never, ever use in a derogatory sense. When we speak, the words we say are evidence of our own thinking patterns, and are also shading the connotations that other people around you hear and then link to the associated groups in question, both positively and negatively.

Sexism is another construct validated and affirmed through word choice; how men and boys speak and see others speak influences their ideology. For instance, in a perfect world, little boys who enjoy painting are not called sissies as an insult. It is a negative thing to be a sissy but a positive thing for the girl that loves kickball and climbing trees to be a tom-boy because of the value we culturally place on male traits compared to female traits. To be more male-like is valued, to be more female-like is embarrassing.

What about being told to "man up," to "grow a pair," or that someone who IS what a real man should be, perhaps man enough to walk away from a fight "doesn't have any balls." Are these attributes intrinsically positive? NO. To imply that the male sexual organ is a metaphor for success isn't acceptable. It would be different if there was a similar, positive vibe surrounding lady parts; but nah, not needed.

 The female sexual organs gets all the negative connotations that phrases like "stop being a pussy" and "What? Are you on your period today?" bring to mind in situations of failure; "Need a tampon" is yet another linked to actions that are something that YOU as a man are above and better than I as a woman. The "most" offensive word in the entire english language is cunt..... a word meaning vagina. This is not oh men and women are different, or the "separate but equal" idea by any means, its the idea that male is something to embrace and flaunt because its better than female.

Interesting point on that: considering that the male organs are external, thus extremely prone to injury (true story. I've seen many a male doubled over in pain due to a testes tap), and the female organs are internal and capable of oh ya know.... growing a human being from fluids and then bringing new life into the world, you would think the anything related to "balls" and "big dicks" would be extremely weak. But its not. Because "any old animal can pop out a kid."

Because we value masculinity, as a society, at the expense of femininity.

Its a rape hotline ad.... for BIG MACS.

What about the VERY common usage of "raping" as a synonym for "winning:" "I just raped that test;" football coaches saying how we're gonna "rape that team;" the very most disgusting, dehumanizing act of forcefully stealing a woman's (and very very rarely a man's) dignity and killing a piece of who they were, forever tainting their view that maybe the world is a good place, an act that HAPPENS EVERY SINGLE DAY ....is glorified. An act that is RARELY served jail time for (15 out of 16 will not says Rape Abuse, and Incest National Network),  that is thought of as "not really a thing anymore," an act that is just a risk of happening to be female. Rape also happens to simply go away with money or power  because all you have to say is "she was drunk and she consented and she changed her mind." ... This CRIME means winning and being the victor in our culture.

We don't teach "hey boys! don't rape it's wrong!" we teach "hey girls! you are weak and a victim so don't walk alone, don't drink too much, don't let a guy pick you up for a date cause then he will know where you live, don't run at night time because you are a walking target."  Yes, it is my responsibility to be smart, but it is NOT my responsibility to guard my every move such as hiring a corp escort to walk me across campus after studying late. Men and boys are responsible.

A Brown School of Medicine 2010 study found that 91%.... NINETY ONE PERCENT....of all rapes are committed by undetected repeat offenders. Maybe that has something to do with the CBS investigation in 2009  that found in TEXAS... where we live people.... there is 10,000 untested rape kits in Dallas, 3,000 in Houston, and another 5,000 untested kits in San Antonio. Google it. I promise. EIGHTEEN THOUSAND women, in Texas, in Cities we have both likely been to.... these 18,000 just simply do not matter enough to get justice for.... Are you disgusted yet? It is estimated that of every 100 rapes, only 40 get reported. Do the math.

This is deeply engrained, culturally acceptable promotion of the inferiority of women. Question it. Demand answers. And change the world for the better for both MEN AND WOMEN. who possess their different strengths and weaknesses. Where the problem arises is when the differences are not valued; that is the definition of 3rd wave feminism.

So tell me again how we're "all equal."
That America is land of the free, home of brave; a land of equal opportunity.
That you "aren't a feminist."
That you "don't see a reason for it"

Think of the 5% of CEOs and the 18% of house members and the 20% of senators and the five total female governors.

Then think of those 18,000 women and the 18,000 rapes and the 18,000 men (maybe less...repeat offenders remember.) who will never do a second of time for their brutal, life-changingly traumatic, soul crushing hate crime against women IN TEXAS.

And then tell me you aren't a feminist.

Brooke